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by Lore Sjöberg
Brontosaurus
Huge beast. Ate only
plants, but could crush a '93 Cabriolet with a single step of
its titanic brontosaurus feet. Name means "Thunder Lizard"
which is about as cool as you can get. Its only real drawback
is that it didn't really exist. B+
Apatosaurus
This is what they're calling
brontosauruses these days. Apparently they had some
problem with the wrong skull on the wrong body--duh--and
once they figured it out they had to change the name to
"apatosaurus," which means "Deceptive Lizard." Personally
I think they should have looked up the Latin for "Stupid
Scientist." D
Dimetrodon
Looks like a gecko with a
mohawk. Big sail on its back that they think attracted mates
or conserved body heat. Actually, that's what scientists say
about anything on an animal they don't understand. They
could find evidence of an iguanadon with a ZZ Top beard
and they'd say "the beard was probably to conserve body
heat or attract mates." Which, come to think of it, is
probably what ZZ Top uses them for. Anyhow,
C
Tyrannosaurus Rex
Cool animal. Name means "Tyrant Lizard
King." Cool. I wish my name meant
"Tyrant Lizard King." Anyhow, we all know what makes
this such a great dinosaur--it could completely eat you. Plus
the little tiny forearms make it look like some demented
nightmare beast from the fertile mind of Tim Burton.
A+
Velociraptor
These guys got a lot of
press from "Jurassic Park," but let's face it, they're pretty
lacking. They couldn't even manage to eat two little kids,
one of whom had only minutes before been turned into a
toaster pastry. Sure, they got the hunter, but he was coming
up with cute last words when he should have been running
like a bunny. And then all three of them got totally worked
by a baby Tyrannosaurus! Lame! D!
Stegosaurus
Two words: spiked tail.
"Oh, so you're sneaking up behind me to eat my delicious
body? WHAM! Spikes! For you! In your
head!" Plus it had I-am-an-industrial-monster plates on its
back, which while probably for conserving body heat or
attracting mates, were impressive-looking.
A
Part 2
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