Extra cheese? If you need extra
cheese on your pizza, either a) the pizza service you patronize
is made up of a bunch of skimping dairy-misers and you
should find yourself another pizza source, or b) your dietary
needs would better be served by simply eating a bowl of hot
Violently, tragically overrated. I'm convinced that the
pepperoni tradition was begun by early pizza guys who wanted
to foist the cheap, vile sausage off on the unknowing early
pizza patrons, saving the good stuff for cute girls and especially
heart-wrenching urchins. C
Now this is a meat topping. If you get it at a
good place, which is to say a place where you can distinguish
the pizza crust from the refrigerator magnet that came with it,
it can be a truly rich and rewarding food experience. And if
not, it still beats hell out of the bright red grease-saucers they
call pepperoni. B
Are you ready for pesto? Can you
handle pesto? I've seen strong men
crumble before a good pesto pizza, begging and
drooling to be allowed another bite!
Writhing in the torture of pure basil
ecstasy! You're afraid, aren't you? You fear
pesto! Bastard! Coward! Bastard! A-
Little Red Pepper Flakes
Man, I love these. You know, the ones in the big shake-jar
next to the Parmesan powder? You shake them all over your
pizza slice and they taste like an invading pizza army. It's like
eating pizza sacked by Ostrogoths. B
Let's give fish particles their due, shall we? They're not
really very good tasting, but they serve the dual purposes of
being a funny topping and being the topping nobody orders.
Say you're telling a joke, and the guy in the joke orders a pizza.
Just put anchovies on the pizza and it doubles the comedy, if
it's a pretty pathetic joke in the first place.
As for the second point, the fact is that there has to be one
topping that nobody orders, and if there wasn't anchovies, the
entire Canadian Bacon market would vanish and Canada itself
would collapse into ruin, forcing us to send them billions of
dollars in aid just to keep the "For Better or For Worse"
cartoons coming. B+