The quintessential Hostess
food, similar to foods you might create in your own kitchen,
but profoundly different. Yes, the outer coating bears a
passing resemblance to sponge cake, and the "creamy
filling" might have once read a book about a dairy product,
but overall it has that quality of taste and texture that can only
be found on the snack food aisle. A+
These are odd. What is it with
the so-called frosting? It's this weird flat tortilla of sugar and
chocolate clinging pathetically to the much larger cake unit.
The best theory I've heard is that the cake and frosting of a
Hostess cupcake are actually the male and female versions of
the same organism. This would mean that the little swirl of
white frosting on top is actually genetic material, which let's
face it is what it resembles in the first place.
A rebel Twinkie. The
Chocodile rejects the hypocritical sociability of the other
Twinkies in their happy little packs of three, wrapped in
plastic and denial, and instead chooses to go it alone, sitting
in its chocolatey leather jacket and brooding about the futility
of existence. But they're hard to find and really not as tasty,
so they get a B.
Hostess is the reigning
monarch of hand-held pies. You can keep your Dolly
Madison, your Home Run pies, your miniature pecan pie
gas station desserts: give me a cherry Hostess fruit pie and a
place to eat it and I shall gain some weight. Other
manufacturers skimp on the fruit filling, the shortening for
the crust, the festive artificial coloring, but not Hostess.
Truly the luxury model. A
What is the point? Do we really
need a Hostess product where you can see the "creamy
filling" before you even open the package? The end result is
that a thick layer of the dessert in question remains attached
to the wrapper, not to mention the fact that the filling is free
to squeege out all over your fingers if you're not careful.
Not the sort of snack food I want my children exposed to.
Unfortunately I have reached an impasse on perhaps the
most controversial issue of our time. To wit: which are better,
Ding-Dongs or Ho-Hos?
Blood is shed daily on the streets of some of
our more pathetic cities over this very question, and I have a
friend who has promised to personally whack me with a
titanium microphone stand if I come out on the wrong side,
although I've forgotten which she prefers. Well, what the
hell, let's say serve Ho-Hos with red meat and Ding-Dongs
with fish and give them both an A.