by Lore Sjöberg

The Garter
It's far too rare in this society that you find religious covenants in conjunction with the throwing of undergarments. Unless you're a Unitarian. The idea here is that whoever catches the garter is supposed to be the next guy to get married, but I'd say that having the most will and determination to snatch women's clothing out of the air is a good sign that you shouldn't give up sowing those wild oats just yet. B+

The Shoving of the Cake
What's a lifelong commitment without a bit of slapstick? While we're at it, why not have the flower girl throw banana peels, hand the reception line cream pies to throw, and have the person performing the ceremony refer to the bridal couple as "youse guys"? D

The Part Where You Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace
It's very thoughtful of early wedding arrangers to provide a handy moment of suspense for Hollywood to take advantage of. In dramas, this is where the tragic lover reveals her true feelings, in comedies this is where the wacky mother-in-law to be delights the audience with a sassy outburst, and in science fiction...well, I can't remember any notable science fiction movie weddings, but there's room for something really great there. B-

The Best Man
Hey, any excuse to wear a tuxedo. Actually, these days it's about the only post-prom excuse to wear a tuxedo, unless you count being a British Secret Service agent at the Baccarat table. Plus you get to make a toast, which is fun as long as you don't screw up and call the groom beautiful and the bride lucky. A

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
Like a bride doesn't have enough to worry about without making sure her outfit rhymes. Handy wedding tip: assuming your gown itself is new, if you can borrow someone's old blue underwear and hit all the bases without endangering the wedding album. There used to be a bit on the end about "a silver sixpence in her shoe," but it's a good thing it died out in this country at least, because "Bicentennial Quarter" lacks panache. C