The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Corn Dogs
There's obviously nothing in American cuisine so bad for you that it won't be battered and deep-fried. I'm sure the only thing preventing "Fried Breaded Mayo 'N' Butter Nuggets" from hitting a Denny's appetizer sampler near you is that they dissolve in the vat. Corn Dogs are an ancient and honorable manifestation of the will to fry. B-

Dippin' Dots
For the uninitiated, "Dippin' Dots" these are horrid little nodules of some substance similar to ice cream, but without the part where it's good. They're like sweet large-curd cottage cheese. Most amusing of all, Dippin' Dots are billed as "The Ice Cream of the Future," as if Picard is going to walk up to the food synthesizer and say "Ice cream. Wait, no, Dippin' Dots." D+

Amusement park pizza is among the most oily, indigestible manifestations available of a dish that was never noted for being easy on the stomach in the first place. When combined with various rides that are the essentially huge bar blenders, it's a half-digested disaster in the making. If amusement park janitors ever go on strike, I suggest putting "Stop serving that skanky pizza" over wage and benefit considerations. C-

Cotton Candy
There's not much sadder in the world of tourist-trapping than amusement parks that have stopped making their own cotton candy by hand, and instead just pass out plastic bags of factory-spun sugar. The tradition of cotton-candy swirling goes back hundreds of years, as evidenced by the intricate and laborious "candy looms" being run at every colonial fair. A-

Funnel Cake
One great thing about traditional fairs and amusement parks is that they place more emphasis on entertaining preparation of foods than they do on the foods themselves. As evidence we have the aforementioned cotton candy, huge winding taffy machines, and funnel cake. It's made by dripping dough into a huge vat of oil! Why that's entertaining I'll never know, but it is. C+

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