Dhalsim

I'm glad someone finally exposed the sordid, violent world of yoga. For decades we lived under the misapprehension that yoga practitioners were mostly into stretching and maybe a little bit of not breathing. As it turns out, though, yoga actually involves spitting fire, kicking people from across the room, and doing a stupid little dance when you win. B

E. Honda

Honda is actually a common family name in Japan, much like General Motors is here. E. Honda is a sumo wrestler who pretty much sucks. Knocking people down with your immense bulk is actually a remarkably effective attack plan in real life, but when your opponents can shoot fireballs and bounce off the walls like so many lotto balls even the Hundred-Hand Slap doesn't get you much. D+

Ryu/Ken

These two have the same moves and abilities in the original Street Fighter II game, but Capcom makes up for this by giving them distinct appearaces and personalities. Ryu, the dark-haired one, enjoys collecting art deco lamps and does oil paintings of toy breed dogs in his spare time. Ken, the light-haired one, is very active in local politics and takes great pride in administering the non-profit Ken Fund for the Insufficiently Ass-Kicked. C

Guile

Until recently, I always assumed that Guile's long-distance attack was a wave of static electricity gathered from his hair which, by the way, appears to be crafted from the moustache of a giant surfer. The attack is actually a sonic boom, as evidenced by the voiceover shouting "Sonic Boom," but if you believe the voiceover Ken and Ryu have an attack called "Soy Mucus." In this as in so many things, I like my explanation better. D

Balrog

Interesting triva. In Japan, the names are a bit different, and it's the boxer guy who's called "M. Bison." That's because he looks like Mike Tyson. Bison/Tyson. Those wacky Japanese. Anyhow, Balrog is annoying because he can kick your ass wearing boxing gloves. That's just mean. I like to pretend that they're actually made out of some sort of high-density ceramic material, or at least that they contain horseshoes like in old Bugs Bunny cartoons. It makes me feel better. D