I'm not sure what those red marks on Zangief's body are. If they're scars,
they're pretty fresh. If they're tattoos, they're pretty dumb. My guess
is that they're just the imprints from sleeping in a bed with a dozen
toy trucks. At any rate, Zangief is a wrestler. With so many other
video games involving piledrivers, choke holds, suplexes, duplexes, and
indexes, Zan comes off as kind of dull compared to, say, an electrified
Brazilian man-beast. D+
You know what I like about Blanka? He learned to electrify his body from
the electric eels. I like the idea that this is something you can just
pick up, like juggling or bellydancing. Maybe I could just take a course
at community college: "Becoming a Deadly Capacitor (Beginner Level),"
which would take place just before my class on playing the recorder and
just after my class on heat vision. B
Chun Li is the only female in the original Street Fighter line-up,
and of course as such she's the subject of many disturbing renditions
of her in various states of undress and distress. If Chun Li were real,
however, she'd probably have something to say to the creators of
these tributes, something along
the lines of "AIEEEE! Death from above!" and then she'd kick them till
they called her mommy. A
This guy is annoying. First off, he's clearly rifled through a big
stack of Marvel comics for all his ideas, adopting the claws of
Wolverine, the wall-crawling abilities of Spider-Man, Doctor Doom's
mask, and Moon Knight's ability to piss me off. Add to that his
parting line, "Handsome fighters never lose battles" and the
fact that I can't quite, you know, win against him
and you can see why he gets a very personal D-.
I don't know much about M. Bison, mostly because I can't get to him in
the game, but I do know that Raul Julia portrayed him in the Street
Fighter movie and then died. That's how tough M. Bison is, he can
kill even the people portraying him. I'm not sure if this theory
is sound, we'll have to wait to see if a string of tragedies
befall the cast of Street Fighter: The Musical to
find out. C-