Is it just me, or is there something eerie about Scooby?
He's not anthropomorphic, exactly, he just speaks English.
With a canine accent. It's as if trying to force his tortured
vocal cords to form sounds that no loving God ever
intended. Was he the result of some madman's blasphemous
experiments in creating life? Are the ghosts he's chasing really
the ghosts of his own inhuman mind? Should I get out more? B
Speaking of inhuman. I just want to get this twisted little bastard
out of the way so that I can go back to ignoring him. The more
astute readers among you may have noticed that I haven't yet gone
so far as to give anything an actual "F." That's not out
of any kind-heartedness on my part, it's just that every time I
got ready to give one out, I would ask myself, "is it really
that bad, compared to the verminous, soul-tainting badness of
Scrappy-Doo?" And now, at long last,
I have my chance. Prepare yourself, oh encephalitic hound.
F! Hahahahahaha! It feels good!
Man. Post-catharsis, I'm feeling pretty charitable toward the
entire rest of the animated gang. Heck, I could probably
give Quick-Draw McGraw a passing grade at this point. However,
objectivity is in order. Fred's dull. He's one bland blond.
He's a six-foot yawn in a cravat. His big thought every episode
is "let's split up," and he apparently takes fashion tips from
Mr. Howell. C-
Hey, I'm way behind anyone voiced by Casey Kasem. Shaggy,
Robin, Cliffjumper from "The Transformers,"
anyone. I bet Casey and Don Pardo get together
and go to bars and enunciate clearly. But I digress.
Shaggy. Blah blah pot blah blah hippie blah blah munchies.
Every half-assed stand up comedian from here to the Catskills
has a bit on the Shaggy-reefer connection. But they don't
understand about Casey. Casey's the alpha and the omega of
Hanna-Barbera. That's all there is to say. A-
This one wins the prestigious "Cartoon Character Whose Name
I Have to Look Up Most Often" award. Velma? Thelma? Selma, Alabama?
Anyhow, while Fred's getting fashion advice from Thurston, Velma
apparently gets her look from a bean bag that went to Catholic
school. She does seem to have more wits about her than the rest
of her gang, but saying she's the brains of the group is like
saying someone has the best social skills of anyone on "Ultima
I guess she's supposed to be the beauty of the group, but nobody
looks that great at 8 frames per second. Whereas Fred was merely
dull, Daphne was dull and pointless. Fred at least bossed people
around. Aside from chastising Shaggy and Scooby and getting caught
in the inevitable net trap, Daphne didn't really have much to do.
So of course she's the one they hang onto for the pathetic
"13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo" series. Pleh. D