The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Cherry, one of the many sub-species of "Red," is the very quintessence of Kool-Aid. It has the Kool-Aid nature. Liking Kool-Aid but not liking red Kool-Aid would be like liking the Beatles but not liking "Yesterday," or being into Jesus but not approving of the whole beard-and-robe thing. It's the color of brake lights, it tastes like no fruit on this planet, and it makes you want to hop around. A+

Purplesaurus Rex
I dig on this. No big psychocultural reason, it just tasted good. I say "tasted" because The Powers That Market sent it to flavor Valhalla. You can actually replicate the taste by mixing Grape with Lemonade, but it strikes me as losing the point to get into Kool-Aid alchemy, unless of course you're mixing it with gin and/or vodka. B+

Great Bluedini
A discontinued flavor, thank God. The idea here was that the powder changed colors upon dampening. And change colors it did, from light bluish-green to dark bluish-green. It was the most pathetic marketing scheme since "flavor curls." It was a travesty of all things magical. Plus it tasted like watery, sugary Odwalla Superfood. D-

Normally in double-blind tests I inevitably prefer artificial flavors to the actual fruit upon which they're patterned, but I have to make an exception for lemonade. Well-made lemonade is tart and crisp; artificial lemonade is blah and blah. I mean, I'll take Lemonade Kool-Aid over Country Time just because of that commercial with the eerie old guy, but when I've got a real jones for lemonade I hit Hot Dog on a Stick. C

Only available in Mexico. No, really. I've never tried this. I can't imagine it would be all that tasty, but I have to admit to a certain twisted fascination. What would it be like to drink Cola Kool-Aid? To mix tan power into a pitcher of brown Kool-Aid, to taste that blend of flat cola flavor and the ineffable Kool-Aid je ne sais whatever? And consider this: Coca-Cola originally contained cocaine, and Kool-Aid was originally named "Fruit Smack." Coincidence? I think not. C+

Sharkleberry Fin
Unless my memory for soft drinks is failing me, this flavor was profoundly wrong. This was back when Kool-Aid R&D had basically given up on trying to maintain parallels between Kool-Aid flavors and colors and those of actual fruit. Sharkleberry Fin was pink. Not just pink, but dishwashing-liquid-pink. Pearly Pepto-Bismol pink. It looked like Kewpie doll bile. And it tasted, well, let's just say it was about as tasty as one could expect a "sharkleberry" to be. D+

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