The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Lollipop Paint Shop
An entry from the Lik-M-Aid school of thought, this combines a lollipop "paintbrush" with powdery "paint." What precisely you're supposed to be painting is left unclear, but it did a passable job of tinting my tongue. The effect was more like wood stain than paint, but I imagine "Wood Stain Candy" would have been tough to bring to market. B

Ouch! Bubble Gum
Tragic and disappointing. The box is shaped like a tin of Band-Aids, the individual gum wrappers have a little Band-Aids pictured on them, and when you open them up, what do you get? Plain old run-of-the-mill bubble gum with no properties in common with Band-Aids except possibly shelf life. It's just stupid. D

Candy Cigarettes
These appear to be no longer available in my part of the country. Presumably this is because of the increasingly negative public opinion of tobacco, but maybe they were found to be a link to cancer of the sweet tooth or something. While a sad loss, there's always dried spaghetti for kids who want to pretend to smoke, and the candy itself was nothing to write a screen saver over. The flavor is best described as "curiously weak peppermint." C

Candy Blox
These are Lego-shaped, though sadly not Lego-intercompatible, chunks of confection. The idea is that you create a little blocky sculpture and then you eat it, thus underscoring the ineffable "nowness" of art. The thing I love about these is that it's are the only food item I know of with big lettering on the front saying "CHOKING HAZARD." Appetizing! C-

Candy Rings
Even through the decades, as I've grown from a young lad in Luke Skywalker underwear to a mature adult in Darth Maul underwear, one thing has remained true: candy rings really pinch. Now,of course, I have to slip it on my pinky like some Candyland mafioso, but it still bites like a mother. B-

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