The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

The interesting thing about milk is the difficulty in adjusting to any type other than what you drank as a kid. If you drank whole milk chances are you consider non-fat to be little more than water, and if you drank non-fat you probably find whole to be throat-pluggingly rich. And now we're raising what will doubtlessly be known as the "one percent generation." Thank God many people can compromise on two percent or there'd probably be creamery bombings over this. C+

Ice Cream
Ice cream is the reason I'd never become a vegan even under really annoying duress. Tofutti Cuties, adorable as they are, just don't cut it. I'm not very discriminating with ice cream. Green tea ice cream, ginger ice cream, limited edition Chunky Monkey with real monkey -- I enjoy flavors man was not meant to enjoy. A+

I don't want to be a bummer here, but it's interesting that the whole baby cow thing is heavily played up in the veal realm, and yet virtually ignored in the cheese realm. It's called rennet, folks, it comes from baby cows, and getting it from the baby cows in question is not an outpatient procedure, if you follow me. But I'm sure the calves all had happy and fulfilling lives before they were slaughtered for your Kraft singles, right? B

I like this because it sounds like some sort of compromise, as if it were half cream and half sparkling water, rather than being half buttloads of fat globules and the other half merely a single buttload. It also often comes with really tempting little packaging units that you can pop like a little pimple o' lactose while waiting for your Grand Slam. Fun. B+

Cottage Cheese
Speaking of globules! Dairy with texture! The midwest's answer to fish roe! The official diet food of the 1970's! Another in the surging lists of signs we may have too many choices in this country is that fact that you can choose your curd size. I've seen many pie charts of what people consider important to them, but not even the tiniest slice is devoted to curd size. The phrase "curd size" has never even come up in conversation. It's a complete non-issue, and yet you hit the dairy aisle and there you have it: choose your own curd size. C-

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