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by Lore Sjöberg
Milk
The interesting thing about milk is the difficulty in adjusting to
any type other than what you drank as a kid. If you drank whole milk
chances are you consider non-fat to be little more than water, and
if you drank non-fat you probably find whole to be throat-pluggingly
rich. And now we're raising what will doubtlessly be known as the "one
percent generation." Thank God many people can compromise on two percent
or there'd probably be creamery bombings over this. C+
Ice Cream
Ice cream is the reason I'd never become a vegan even under
really annoying duress. Tofutti Cuties, adorable as they are, just don't
cut it. I'm not very discriminating with ice cream. Green tea ice cream,
ginger ice cream, limited edition Chunky Monkey with real monkey --
I enjoy flavors man was not meant to enjoy. A+
Cheese
I don't want to be a bummer here, but it's interesting that the whole
baby cow thing is heavily played up in the veal realm, and yet virtually
ignored in the cheese realm. It's called rennet, folks, it comes from
baby cows, and getting it from the baby cows in question is not an
outpatient procedure, if you follow me. But I'm sure the calves all had
happy and fulfilling lives before they were slaughtered
for your Kraft singles, right? B
Half-and-half
I like this because it sounds like some sort of compromise,
as if it were half cream and half sparkling water, rather than being half
buttloads of fat globules and the other half merely a single buttload.
It also often comes with really tempting little packaging units that
you can pop like a little pimple o' lactose while waiting for your Grand Slam.
Fun. B+
Cottage Cheese
Speaking of globules! Dairy with texture! The midwest's
answer to fish roe! The official diet food of the 1970's! Another in
the surging lists of signs we may have too many choices in this country
is that fact that you can choose your curd size. I've seen many pie
charts of what people consider important to them, but not even
the tiniest slice is devoted to curd size. The phrase "curd size" has
never even come up in conversation. It's a complete non-issue, and
yet you hit the dairy aisle and there you have it: choose your
own curd size. C-
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