Reader Mail (12 August 2002)
I have a technical problem with the ratings page. "August" was given a "D"
because of the lack of holidays. You could celebrate Francis Scott Key's
birthday on the first. August 5th is National Waffle day. Heck,
Snuffleupagus's Birthday is on the 19th, and what about the 26th, Women's
Equality Day? Since when has brunching decided to alienate their female
If all else fails, we did drop two atomic bombs on Japan in August, we could
celebrate that. Twin holidays, as it were. The only thing that comes close
would be chanukka, but that's got us beat with 8 days. Of course, they also
have something of a moral high ground, but that's not really a concern of
mine at the moment.
I'm afraid you have a warped sense of what qualifies as a holiday,
and I'm not just talking about the bomb thing. National Waffle Day
and Women's Equality Day are not holidays. They are congressional feel good
proclamations, made to appease constituents that don't actually have
any money to give them. It's all fine and good if a bunch of sixth graders
convince their senator to declare National Comfy Pillow Day as part of
their civics class, but don't expect me to ask for the day off. Anyway,
every day is Comfy Pillow Day.
"This is where it all starts; the whole yuletide currency-fest. We should
just consolidate November and December, make up a name in Latin that
refers to credit cards and/or animatronic bears in red hats, and have
done with it"
My friends and I refer to this time of year as Octember, the 92 days of
the Hallogivingsmas season. Try it out where you work or bank.
If you run into a bank that will cash a check
dated "Octember 87th" please let me know. It sounds like a fun place
to do business.
The plural of Bacchus would be Bacchi, if there were more than one. Which
there aren't. Isn't.
What astonishes me is that there are people who
have gotten enough of a classical education to know the masculine plural
of Bacchus, but not enough to have heard of Euripides' play
The Bacchae. It's a classic and it gots a guy
being torn apart by furious ladies.
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