The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Good Luck Charms

Sure, why not. There's probably some goddess-crescent connection here, and if there isn't I'm sure there are plenty of liberal arts undergrads willing to make one up. My favorite part is how you're supposed to keep your lucky horseshoe's ends up "to keep the luck from pouring out." Because you don't want to have a doorstep covered in luck which will enter the sewage system during the next rain and drain to the ocean, resulting in unnaturally fortunate salmon. The resulting devastating impact on the ecosystem is easy to envision. So watch it. B

Rabbit Foot
Yeah yeah, it wasn't lucky for the rabbit, we've all heard that one about a million times, and the only reason I even mention it is to avoid mail "reminding" me of this "oversight." Even so, I find rabbit's feet a little gruesome to pin my personal fortunes to. I don't want to be put in the position of saying "I owe all my success and acclaim to this dismembered mammal limb I keep with me." D

Shooting Star
That's right, an isolated chunk of interstellar grit traversed uncounted miles of cold space, then fell into the sea of our atmosphere and died in a slashing trail of flame so that you could wish for a new set of speakers for your Chevy Tahoe. I mean, astrology also assumes heavenly objects determine whether it's a good time to buy a new shirt, but at least astrology doesn't require Venus to crash into the earth for to do so. On the other hand, shooting stars are pretty. A-

Lucky Penny
"FInd a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck." Does this apply to convenience store penny trays? You possess the penny for an instant before handing it to the clerk, don't you? You found it, you picked it up. My God, this could revolutionize the science of random prosperity. It could take its place among other examples of modern luck-generation innovations like the steam-powered wishing well and Rainbow Brite. C+

Four-Leaf Clover
I imagine most good luck charms have an annoying song associated with them if you look hard enough (e.g. "Lucky Star") but this one is just out of control. I don't know if it was the traditional Sing Along with Mitch version or the gory schoolyard parody that made it impossible for me to consider clover of any variety -- even clover honey -- without hearing "...that I overlooked beFORE!" echoing insanely through my head, but I don't like it. C-

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