Names for Felis Concolor
by Lore Sjöberg

Mountain Lion
Good name. It somehow implies that plain old namby-pamby savannah lions don't have what it takes to handle the mountain, that a cushy life of munching on antelope haunch and starring in Greek fables couldn't possibly prepare them for the hardscrabble life a mountain lion leads. I'm not exactly sure how that life would be different, but I think it involves chopping wood. A-

Catamount
What an odd name. It sounds like some Victorian writer of light opera needed a rhyme for "tantamount" and this was the best he could come up with. Apparently, this is supposed to be short for "cat of the mountains," but if that's true, then why isn't Chicken of the Sea tuna called "Chickenasea"? Huh? Tell me that, Mr. or Ms. reading-this-page-and-wondering-what-solvents-I-accidentally-inhaled? D+

Puma
I dunno. You'd think a hiker-dismembering wild cat would need a more intimidating name. A "puma" sounds like a flowering tree or a mildly derogatory term for someone from some part of Great Britain or another. ("Don't mind 'im, love. 'e's a puma, you know 'ow they are.") I suppose the shoe people don't have a problem with it, but it just doesn't water my lawn. C-

Painter
I wasn't aware that these creatures were called "painters" until I started doing a little research. "Painter" also means "a line used for securing or towing a boat" and, oddly enough, "someone who applies paints." Let it not be said that we English speakers don't re-use words for no apparent reason. D

Cougar
Now this is a good name for a predator. It has that little "grr" bit at the end, and it's short enough to shout in panic just before you're leapt on and disemboweled. Can you imagine a terrified villager yelling "CATAMOUUUNT!" as his last word? It would be embarrassing. A