The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Things You Make Out of Snow

It's always nice when Mother Nature provides us with something new to hit people with. And it's considered wholesome violence too, like giving noogies, so you can usually get away with it. For those of you who don't like snowball fights, a winter tip: the proper response to an unanticipated snowball attack is shaking your fists and yelling "You darn kids!" If you're going to do this, it's also best to wear a top hat. A

The interesting thing about snowmen to me is that they're always made in three parts, the abdomen, thorax, and head. I wonder what the significance of this is, aside from yet another excuse to use the word "thorax." I suppose it's a vague attempt to model the torso/leg split in human anatomy, but if so it's pretty sad, considering that not even the most tragic congenital affliction turns one's legs into a perfect sphere. B+

Snow Angels
Hey, any art project that involves falling over and flailing your limbs is okay by me. It kind of makes me wonder what my other angel-indentation options are. A mud angel is an obvious possibility, but what really excites me is the thought that I might one day get to make a syrup angel. Now that'd be a good time. B

Snow Forts
These are really only of any use if you're having a snowball fight -- it's not like you can invite the neighbors over to watch Galaxy Quest on DVD -- and frankly, the main attraction of a snowball fight is that it takes little or no preparation. If we're going to have to put together armaments and battlements, I say let's just go inside and thumb wrestle. D+

I've never understood the whole attraction of eating snow. It's not just that you're eating random stuff that fell outdoors -- if it rained ham would you eat that? -- it's also that you already know what it tastes like! Nothing! It's not like one of these years it's going to have lemon juice squeezed into it. Pleh. D

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