The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Mexican "Dog" Turns Out To Be Hairless Rat
I'll be the first to admit a vague resemblance between chihuahuas and hairless gutter vermin, but it's a bit beyond suspension of disbelief to imagine that a ditzy old woman would actually mistake the latter for the former. And even if she did, wouldn't one of her friends set her straight? Or is carrying around an obese diseased rodent the sort of thing one politely overlooks in high society, kind of like a crawling, scaly version of spinach in your teeth? C-

..And On The Door Handle Was a Hook!
Scary, but you'd think that any prospective murderer would make life easier on himself and open the door with the hand that can actually grip things. I've never tried opening a car door with a hook, but one imagines it's something like trying to remove a bra with a spoon. C

Girl Accidentally Breeds Spiders in Hair
A classic urban legend, but one these days it's not much of a cautionary tale, given that young women rarely wear elaborate beehives any more. "Spiders in the Sanrio Lunchbox" might be more appropriate, but it lacks something. Perhaps a paranoid rumor about the dangers of exposed bellybuttons is in order. C+

Your Kidneys May Be Stolen From Your Body
This is a wonderful horror story, replete with nice improbable touches like waking up naked and bleeding in a bathtub full of ice: I may never eat shrimp cocktail again. The special touch, though, is the humanitarian nature of this legend: it teaches that we, too, can help those in need, if only by being drugged and subjected to nonconsentual and life-threatening surgery. A

The Vanishing Hitchhiker
This lacks a certain something. At least the version in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" had a squiggly claymation horror face. The usual version just ends with the driver being informed that he gave a lift to a ghost. At least a ghost won't change your radio station or leave hemp seeds all over your upholstery. D+

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