The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Let's face it, Aquaman basically got suck for powers. His major shtick was the whole concentric-ring-exuding fish-control thing which allowed him to draft underwater lifeforms into his own personal war, which of course required the writers of the show to work a major marine disaster into every ensemble piece. This demonstrates a central flaw in including Aquaman on the team: having water-based powers is a pretty serious limitation, along the lines of a hero whose powers only work on weekends. C-

Batman gets extra points for having the best line in the entire history of the Superfriends. The villain was named Dr. Noah Tall or something equally ludicrous, and he and his evil little sidekick were posed as street-corner food vendors with a cart and everything. As part of their plan, they were attempting to get Batman to buy some chicken soup. This REALLY HAPPENED, DAMMIT! Anyhow, Batman, the dark night detective, the scourge of the underworld, assessing the situation with his keen crime-fighting brain, asks, in his deep, stentorian voice, "Is the chicken soup fresh?" It was a glorious moment. A

Oh, what are you going to say about Superman? He's got it all going on. It's really good that he's such a nice guy, because if I was in Superman's place, I'd be totally lording my powers over all the other Superfriends. "Hey Batman," I'd say, "Nice utility belt! Got anything in there that would help you lift an oil tanker? I didn't think so. Hey Aquaman! You realize I could pretty much kick ass over any sea creature you cared to summon, don't you? Wonder Woman! Your magic lasso makes me tell the truth: You suck!" So I suppose we should be grateful. B-

Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman was kind of a grab bag of powers and equipment, as if she had picked everything up from the superhero equivalent of the Sharper Image Catalog. She had the Bullet-Reflecting Bracelets ($29.95), the Mind-Control Lasso ($38.95) and of course the Invisible Plane ($150,000 plus taxes and license fees). That last one always got to me. It's like a regular plane, only it's invisible. It doesn't make HER invisible, though. So instead of this big plane, you see a nice, inconspicuous, flying, squatting woman. Huh. B-

Zan and Jayna
I don't know if it was ever fully explained why Wendy and Marvin were replaced by Donny and Marie Osmond in Spock ears, but then Wendy and Marvin's presence was never adequately explained in the first place. Zan and Jayna were a definite improvement, because not only were neither of them named "Marvin," they also had cool powers. Zan's ability to turn into water objects would have been a bit lame if not for the ice sculpture loophole, but Jayna definitely was happening with her animal transformation. Could have done without that Gleek organism, though. C+

Wendy and Marvin and Wonder-Dog
What? What? Why are these losers hanging out with the Superfriends? Did they win some sort of lame-ass contest? Are they somebody's cousins? Wendy didn't even TRY to fit in with the superhero crowd, and the best Marvin could do was a towel around his neck and a T-shirt that said "M." And then there was the dog. There's something really sad in the fact that the Superfriends were hanging out with Scooby-Doo wannabees for so long. D

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