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State License Plates, Part Two
by Lore Sjöberg
Iowa
A nice understated plate in shades of blue depicting a lovely pastoral
farm scene. It makes me think of Iowa as a nice place to move and
raise kids who will hate you. Anyhow, in Iowa you can get a Congressional
Medal of Honor license plate, which is pretty funny. Not only does the
Congressional Medal of Honor represent the highest military award that
can be bestowed on an American, it also means you can get a special
license plate in Iowa! B+
California
I'll admit it, California plates are as dull as a Sacramento nightclub.
Currently they have the state's name in lame-ass scripty letters at the
top, and "SESQUICENTENNIAL - 150 YEARS" at the bottom in accordance
with a state law requiring all government documents to be written in both
English and Moron. Apparently all the talented designers are tapped
to make special plates featuring otters and whale parts. D-
Alaska
The Alaskan plate commemorates the Klondike Gold Rush, in which people
apparently politely stood in long lines waiting for their turn to get some
gold. At least that's what they're doing on the plate. Not much of a rush,
really, but the Klondike Gold Queue-Up doesn't sound as exciting. Anyhow,
extra points for the "A" made out of a pick and shovel, and for not
explaining what a "Centennial" is. B
North Dakota
Hey, it's got a bison on it! I like bison. Opposite the bison,
there's some sort of plant-like item which some proud North
Dakotan will no doubt explain to me even though I don't care.
The slogan at the bottom is "Peace Garden State" which sounds like
someone just put down the nicest words they could think of,
and at the top it says "Discover the Spirit" which is vague
without being interesting. But I like bison a lot. C+
West Virginia
"West Virginia Wild, Wonderful" reads the plate, like a headline
out of a newspaper travel section. I can't really debate this, because
West Virginia is one of those states about which I have no opinion.
As far as I know, it's as wild and wonderful as a magic lemur. If
I wrote it, the slogan would have to be "Sort of Near Washington D.C.,"
so it's just as well the way it is. C
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