The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Struthio Camelus
This was completely unfair. In order to even get this, you had to know first that in "Joust" one of the players rides an ostrich, and secondly that Struthio Camelus is the scientific name for a common species of ostrich. I'm sure there are about three ornithologist video game enthusiasts out there who thought this was hilarious, but really now... D+

Shirley Jones
On the other hand, I make no apologies for references to TV stars from the Seventies. From Leather Tuscadero to Marshall, Will and Holly, if they've got feathered hair and a penchant for the word "groovy," they're going to end up here sooner or later. So if you don't recognize the sacred name of the Partridge Matriarch, you may want to take a remedial class or something. A

Okay, so technically the tower in Q*bert isn't a ziggurat, partly because the little ridges don't go all around, and partly because Q*bert isn't technically Mesopotamian. But if the Mesopotamians spent less time creating the oldest legal code preserved in its entirety and more time hopping around avoiding purple snakes, I'm willing to bet the two would look eerily similar. B-

Jet Engine Testing Cannons
These, for those of you not "in the hip" about such things, are devices which shoot dead chickens at powered-up jet engines under controlled circumstances in order to determine whether said engines can survive the impact, the chicken's survival being a moot point. There's a story about inadvertently using frozen chickens which is too unlikely to reprint here, but it serves to illustrate that there's actually already a distinguished body of dead chicken cannon literature out there, of which this space is only a small part. C+

'74 Dodge Dart
This may shock some of the faithful, but I actually have no idea how prone to oil leaks Dodge Darts are. I had a friend who had a lot of trouble with hers, though, and "Dodge Dart" is a funny name (and good advice, when you think about it) so rather than spend time going through maintenance history for hundreds of American cars, I just went with it. I'd say I used the time saved to create new and better comedy for your daily consumption, but actually I made a grilled cheese sandwich and took a "test your kissability" quiz in YM. C

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