Months (Part II)
by Lore Sjöberg
Pronouncing the first "r" in "February" is like making a homemade
Seaquest DSV uniform: It's a pain in the butt and very few people
appreciate the effort. Having said that, I like February because
of the 28 day thing and because of the leap year thing. Plus it has
Groundhog Day, which is the most cheerfully pointless holiday
that people actually celebrate. (People do not actually celebrate
Frozen Food Week, no matter what your grocery chain flyers tell you.) B+
In like a lion, out like some variety of young domesticated herbivorous
mammal. March has an equinox, which isn't something I paid much attention
to until I started to have so many pagan friends. Equinoxes and solstices
are such sensible things to celebrate that I'm tempted to take up pagantry
in my spare time, but for now I'll just stick with my practice of
referring to Saint Patrick's Day as the Tavernal Equinox. B-
You may have noticed, if you've been hanging around for a while and have
put at least three points into perception skills, that this space does not
engage in April Fool's shenanigans. Frankly, I've never felt comfortable
being a goof on Officially Designated Goof Occasions. It's pretty much
the same reason I didn't put a silly message on my answering machine back
when that was all the rage. Remember that? You couldn't call a freakin'
notary public without having to listen to a five minute rendition of
highlights from Les Miserables with clever lyrics on the
subject of leaving a message and not being home. C-
May is a good month. It probably doesn't get enough credit. Quite the
opposite, really. "Mayday" is now something you shout in movies just
before the aliens get your plane, and a "mayfly" is just unpleasant. But
May is pleasant, by and large. In the northern hemisphere. You
Australians are, as in so many things, on your own. I suppose you can
make sense of this series if you switch the months around. Except for
the holidays. And put some holidays of your own in. Go ahead and put some
derogatory comments about New Zealanders in there too, you've earned it. C+
June is my birth month, and I am nothing if not self-centered, so I'm
willing to overlook many of my usual complaints about the summer months
(too hot, too bright, too many commercials featuring the song "Summertime
Blues") and bask in my own glory for a second. Bask bask. Okay, that's
done. June is too hot, too bright, and they could at least use the Joan
Jett cover once in a while. C
I'm not much into the confluence of patriotism and traffic jams, but
I do enjoy fireworks. Nobody seems to do fireworks in shapes like they
do on cartoons, though. You know, where they get a whole American eagle
complete with arrows and basil leaves up there? I once saw a fireworks
display where they managed to work up some smiley faces which where kind
of lopsided and often upside down. While I appreciated the effort, the
pyros really need to get the eagle happening to tell the cartoon guys
to stop raising our hopes. D+
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