Punchelo

A truly disturbing fruit, imported from South America and, often as not, exported right back again. A texture reminiscent of rotting pineapple, with overtones of rotting strawberry. Best avoided altogether.

Railon

Thomas Jefferson once called this "The sweetest of the soil's offerings," but he was probably thinking of something else. Goes equally well in salads you're not going to eat and pies you're not going to eat. Be careful not to touch or look at the poison spines.

Arenila

Best used to beat the servants or eaten raw, the arenila -- a product of the arenila plant -- is only in season three days in early spring and the odd weekend in September. Tart and sweet, it tastes something like a boiled racquetball. Void where prohibited.

US Senator Dick Durbin

First elected to the US Senate in 1996, this legislator -- technically a legume -- goes well with many main dishes, as well as serving on the Senate Appropriations Committee. Considered a delicacy in many parts of the world, Durbin has worked towards increasing consumer protection and is particularly delicious blanched and salted.

Granito

The only fruit available in North America that knows what you're thinking, the granito is delicious when prepared according to a delicate process lost to modern man. Looks great on your kitchen counter, though.

Hork

Known as "the century fruit" because that's about how often someone eats one, this odd-looking member of the melon, pomegranate, and marsupial families is very popular with lonely bachelors, if you catch our meaning.

Rinega

A perennial favorite among the dead and dying, this vegetable can be grown in your backyard, provided that your backyard in is the Phillipines and your neighbors don't mind the smell, the mounds of fertilizer required, and the inevitable owl infestation. Vile. Awful.