Marvel Supervillains (Part II)
by Lore Sjöberg
First, off, I'm annoyed that Marvel had to invent a Norse goddess to be an
adversary to Thor. It's not like the Norse pantheon didn't have goddesses
of its own. How about Lofn? She'd rock! Anyhow, the Enchantress is one
of the genre of supervillainess that keeps threatening to get the heroes
laid. The fact that this tends to be a sign of evil rather than good
says something about the perpetually intra-pubsecent mindset of most
superhero comics, but nothing that hasn't been said before. D
There need to be more titles for supervillains. There are a bunch of doctors,
a few professors, some lords, and your assorted military ranks. How
about Chairman Pain? Or Senator Death? Or perhaps Right Honourable
Chief Justice Torment-Hassle? At any rate. By all rights,
Doctor Octopus should be much dorkier than he is. To begin with,
you're not that scary if the Japanese eat you raw. Also, he has
a haircut that's more stupid than roughly 80% of the Little Rascals.
Also, his power is "more arms." Sure, they're metal pinchy arms, but
when you get down to it, three regular guys have as many arms as he does.
Still, somehow Otto manages to pull it off. More or less. C+
The origin of Kraven, one of Spider-Man's baddies, is that Stan Lee
must have read "The Most Dangerous Game" and decided to rip it
off adapt it for the comics medium. So Kraven, too, is a hunter
who has decided to hunt the most deadly game of all: irradiated teenager!
I don't know where he got the idea that Spidey is the apex of life-forms.
I mean, Thor's running around, isn't he? Wouldn't the gods themselves
be an eensy bit more of a challenge than some kid who sticks to things?
But you know what's great about Kraven? That lion vest thing of his.
His vest looks like a lion's face. I love that. C-
This guy could have been much better. I love the idea of a villain
who's really, really absorbing. The Avengers stop him in the middle
of a bank robbery or something, and he starts telling them about
the band he's going to start, or something that happened over spring
break, and the heroes just get really caught up in what he's saying.
And before they know it, a couple hours have gone by! And they're late
for something! But no, he just has the power to turn into whatever
substance he touches. Feh. D+
Some superfolk have powers that can be summed up in a single word.
Fire. Ice. Light. Breasts. With The Blob, that word is "fat." The
Blob is the possessor of several hundred pounds of extra-durable
mutant power fat. The sort of fat that can deflect bullets, ensnare
fists, and do other things that no other fat can do. Except Olestra.
He also has the related yet oddly orthogonal power to increase
his own gravity. In our world these are merely things to do at
parties and ways to make friends with Jim Rose, but in the Marvel
Universe they add up to a long and lucrative career in the crime
sector. B-
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