The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

The Legion of Doom

Lex Luthor
The archest of arch-nemeses, so diabolical that he can make even Superman have to sit down and try to figure things out every once in a while. A man this twisted must have a truly dark and smoldering motive, such as oh say baldness. That's right, the Superfriends-era Lex got his start on the Road to Doom because Superman accidentally made all his hair fall out when he was a kid. This lead L.L. to invent giant robots and all sorts of beam-based weaponry but not, for some inexplicable reason, Rogaine. Twenty minutes working on his actual problem instead of yet another half-assed kryptonite delivery system could have saved a lot of tsuris. C+

Sinestro was, in essence, Green Lantern with magenta skin and a huge forehead. I've often figured that my own arch-enemy is probably just me with magenta skin and a huge forehead and he's probably off having a beer and watching The Powerpuff Girls because that's what I like to do no matter what size my forehead is. But this isn't about me. Sinestro had a yellow power ring, which I always assumed had a weakness to green because that would make sense. But apparently that's not true, and once again my hope for a rational universe is dashed on the rocks of crappy cel animation. C

Gorilla Grodd
He's an evil Gorilla, but someone named Gorilla Grodd who's a member of the Legion of Doom has no business being anything else. He's the arch-enemy of The Flash. The nemesis of the fastest man on earth is a talking gorilla. That's really random. He's not a particularly fast gorilla or a gorilla with power over the flow of time, he's just a really strong talking gorilla with a bug up his ass. C-

How can you not like Bizarro? Him do the opposite of normal people! Him only able to order Egg McMuffin after 10:30 AM! Him criticize iMac for having too many floppy drives! I only wish there Bizarro versions of everyone, starting with Bizarro Bob Barker, who would end "The Price Am Wrong" by saying "Remember, everyone, let your pets fuck all they want!" A

What do you do when you have a scantily-clad Amazon with high-heel boots and a "magic rope" in your television show? Why, make her fight a woman in a skin-tight kitty outfit, of course! It's a show that the kids can enjoy because of the cartoony action and Dad can enjoy because he's a big ol' pervert! If there isn't an episode that climaxes in a vat of baby oil, I'm sad. B+

Black Manta
So of course Aquaman's worst enemy is a guy with underwater powers, because if Aquaman's worst enemy had, say, highway overpass powers it wouldn't be much of a show. "Doctor Turnpike has snarled traffic again? What am I supposed to do, tell a couple giant squid to crawl to Ohio and stop him? Call me if there's a tidal wave or something. I'm good with tidal waves. Did you know that the Japanese call them 'tsunami'?" D+

More by Lore Sjöberg Back to The Shuttlecocks Homepage