The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

This has all the signs of a good kids song. It's repetitive, simple, and it incorporates an excuse to make extra noise. The only improvement I could come up with would be to substitute cymbal for the handclaps. Or maybe an airhorn. "BRAAAP BRAAAP N-G-O!" That would make for a happy class of kindergarteners. A-

Old McDonald
The nice thing about this song is that invites improvisation. What did old McDonald have on his farm? Ducks? Moose? Fusion-powered space-warping robots? As long as you can come with a noise for it, or in a pinch some sort of mime, then you can slip it right in there. I personally like "On that farm he had a Nixon." A

Farmer in the Dell
Why all the songs about farmers? Are farmers that scintillating? Actually, now that I think about it, maybe Old McDonald had a dog named Bingo and is at this very moment in the dell. If we can just prove that McDonald at some point came rolling home, and that his wife ate the eensy-weensy spider, who them wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, we might be able to put together the Grand Unified Kids Song Theory. C+

Wheels on the Bus
As far as I'm concerned, this is just a sad attempt to bring Old McDonald into a non-pastoral environment, only without as much latitude for personal touches. Who cares about the wheels on the bus? We want to know what's up with the ducks! C-

If You're Happy and You Know It
I resent the intrusion of sing-alongs into my private emotional landscape. What if I'm not happy? What if I don't know it? Can I be excused to go ponder the lack of a meaning in a life where personal sorrow is as common as juice breaks? Or, as so often happens in a typical elementary school career, am I expected to pretend I'm happy and clap my damn hands anyway? It's depressing. D

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