by Lore Sjöberg

E.T.
Okay, more of a tourist than an invader, but it's tough to tell the difference sometimes. You notice there's not a lot of E.T. nostalgia out there, compared to, say, Star Wars. I think this is because of the hanky factor. Looking back on the first time you saw Star Wars, you think "Robots! Starfighters! I was on the edge of my seat!" Looking back on E.T. you think "I cried like a pre-schooler over the death of a walking sausage." C-

Greys
The problem with these guys is that as alien invaders go, they seem to lack a master plan. You'd think forty years of abductions would provide them with all the biological data they need. My suspicion is that they're not actually softening us up for eventual tyrannical domination as one might hope, but rather just filling some sort of interplanetary government job in the Bureau of Abduction and Unpleasant Probing, Sweater-Wearing Primate Division. C

Audrey II
If flesh-eating alien invaders have traditionally suffered from one drawback, it's that they didn't sing R&B music. Thankfully, this was remedied when they made "Little Shop of Horrors" into a musical. Now if they just take my advice and make a movie about a terpsichorean vampire called "Dark Lord of the Dance." B+

Those Aliens From "Independence Day"
I have to say, I'm torn on these guys. On one hand, any species that can be taken out with one punch by a rapper-cum-sitcom-star has some serious lack going on, but on the other hand, I'm damn impressed with the Dead Brent Spiner Hand Puppet Trick. I really think they should take that one on the road. A gooey alien with a talking Brent Spiner corpse is about the only thing that could get me to watch "Live at the Improv." B-

Cylons
They eventually invaded, in the TV-movie "Galactica 1980," which would be a great name for a roller disco. You gotta love these guys, for various and sundry reasons. First, there's the Throbbing Robot Eye, which set a standard for cheesy TV sci-fi effects that influenced, um, "Knight Rider." Secondly, the head Cylon was named "Imperious Leader." Now that's a title. Thirdly, they talk with the same computer-generated monotone that nearly destroyed the world in "Wargames." B+

The Aliens from War of the Worlds
They came. They blew things up. They were destroyed by microbes. More importantly, they weren't destroyed by a computer virus or time travel. A model hostile alien force. If that isn't enough to convince you, note that the movie was recorded in "Western Electric Multi-Track Magnetic Stereophonic Sound," and the poster slogan called the film a "mighty panorama of Earth-shaking fury as an army from Mars invades." Any invaders that can inspire that many adjectives get my vote. A