French Food You Suck On
Note: The package of stuff sent to us only had four items in it. Usually, this would disqualify it for a Rating, but the theme was irresistible. In order to
make up for the short count, we will be providing a translation of some package
text for each one, rendered in the amusingly broken English provided by
Crème de Marrons de L'ardèche
The package helpfully points out, in small English letters, that we're
dealing with sweetened chestnut puree. It's better than it sounds. Were
I not used to dealing with disturbing cartoon characters of many lands, I
might be put off by the cheery hairy chestnut guy with leaf legs that inhabits
the package, but I can take it. No, the really odd thing is that
the back of the package encourages to take your tube of chestnut puree
with you when playing sports, as if this gooey substance is some kind
of Gallic Gatorade. Very strange. B-
Nothing of such as small full with energy to avoid a great
blow of pump. Marono, gaining set!
This is made by Nestle, and it has Chip and Dale plastered all over
the package and on each individual cone inside. I don't know why Nestle
believes that American consumers don't want to squirt chocolate goo
into their mouths from a Disney chipmunk-adorned package, but they're probably
right. It tastes as if you let a chocolate bunny come in your mouth. C-
A Mini Nestle Carton to taste it allows has your child to reload his batteries!
It's applesauce in a tube. To be precise, it's three apples' worth of
applesauce in a tube. Eating it makes me feel like a three-year-old
astronaut. Aside from that, it's not terribly exciting, but at least
I didn't have to find a spoon. C
With their stopper revissable and their packing very resistant, Pom'Potes of Materne are perfect fellow travellers for a pleasure...unbounded!
At first I thought the name of this product was "facile a boire," but
apparently that's just to inform you that it's easy to drink. One would
hope. Fruit drinks that require you disarm the poison needle hidden in
the lid rarely sell well. As far as I can tell, the juice bag in question
is referred to by the Fruité people as a "cheerpack," which must give
the French language purity council conniptions. C+
Its sympathetic style and modern which séduit the small ones and the large ones. THE CHEERPACK: A LIFESTYLE!