For Dummies Books
by Lore Sjöberg

Crosswords for Dummies
This whole "for dummies" thing started because some people are intimidated by computers, and need reassurance that a book on Windows isn't going to assume that they already knew terms like "TCP/IP" and "keyboard." While those of us who know our asses from our asyncronous transfer protocols like to laugh at them, the fact is that most people who know a lot about computers can't talk about them without putting out more attitude than a rap star. So there's a legitimate need there. Having said that: crosswords? I'm sorry, if Dell Fun Crossword Fun is so over your head you need to be insulted, you either need to stick to the TV Guide crossword or take up Word Finds. D

SAP R/3 Administration for Dummies
Um. "Mildred, my son just came over and installed SAP R/3 on my computer thing, and I swear I'm afraid to touch it. I tried looking at the documentation, but it was full of gibberish like 'Running SAP R/3 requires 256 MB of RAM'. If only there was a book that explained how to administer SAP R/3 in plain English!" C-

Wine for Dummies
Not knowing much about wine is one of the benefits of being a dummy, should you ask me. It allows you to spend three bucks on a bottle of wine with a cartoon character on the label and not realize there's anything wrong with it until it turns your urine green. I imagine people who buy this have wine snob friends they want to impress, in which case Chapter One should be titled "Good Places To Hide This Book." C

Dachsunds for Dummies
This is probably my favorite "For Dummies" book, but mostly because it sounds like a children's book, kind of a cross between "The Stupids" and "Bread and Jam for Frances." Actually "Dachsunds for Frances" is even better. "Wine for Frances." "SAP R/3 Administration for Frances." I think I'm on to something. A-

Sex for Dummies
Well, it had to happen. It's even on its second edition, presumably because they forgot to tell how to pronounce "clitoris" in the first one. What cracks me up here is that, like all other For Dummies books, the cover proudly proclaims it "A Reference For The Rest of Us!" As opposed to whom? Those brainy eggheads with their high-IQ fucking knowledge that no working-class Serta jockey can hope to comprehend? D

Starting an Online Business For Dummies
"But then, I repeat myself." C-