The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Aspects of Easter

Colored Eggs
Yeah, sure, garishly pastel hen ova are fun and all, and it's reasonably diverting to run all over hell and gone looking for them. But then when you're done, what do you have? Maybe a dozen hard boiled eggs. Either these have to be eaten -- no small task for those of us who consider hard-boiled eggs to be just this side of inedible -- or chucked into the trash, which hardly seems to be an appropriate fertility-rite-cum-resurrection-tribute. C-

Plastic Grass
I like plastic grass, and I'm not sure why. I also like plastic flowers and the little plastic leaf thingy you get with grocery-store sushi, so apparently I'm pretty positive towards all forms of plastic vegetation. Not as a replacement for regular vegetation, mind you. I enjoy plastic plants in the same way that I enjoy tribute albums: as an educational, interesting, and sometimes embarrassingly laughable reinterpretation of a classic. B

Chocolate Bunnies
I'm not going to get too baroque here: it's chocolate and it's sculpted. Nothing to complain about there. A

The Easter Bunny
I think we need to funnel more tax money into holiday pooka research. Modern science has yet to come to a consensus on many important Easter Bunny issues: Is he a big human-sized rabbit or a small more-or-less rabbit-sized rabbit? Is he white or pink? And, perhaps the question with the most potential social fallout, does he or does he not lay eggs? These are important questions, and they're being virtually ignored. Oh, and what exactly is a "bunny trail"? C+

Borderline fluorescent edible farm animals are my thing. I don't much care for the recent rabbit-shaped additions to the Peeps line, but that's only because they're shaped like greeting-card cartoon rabbits, not actual pellet-munching mammals. If they managed to make them look like doe-eyed bunnies hunkered down and awaiting their grisly fate, they'd be much more fun to eat. A+

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