The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Dinosaurs Part II

Aladar, the proto-protagonist from the Disney Dinosaur movie, was an Iguanadon. They didn't play that up much in the promotional material, because "Iguanadon" is a dumb name. It means "Iguana Tooth," which sounds like one of those inexplicable taunts third graders make up if your name doesn't rhyme with "butt" or "fart." The other thing is that Iguanadons had a pointy thumb-like appendage which sticks straight up in most Iguanadon portrayals, which makes the things look like they're patiently waiting for Peterbilt to be founded so they can hitch a ride to the next Phish concert. C

Those whole "largest dinosaur" thing is tough to track down, because "Fun Fact" placemats aren't known for their exacting fact-checking. For a while there, UIltrasaurus was the main contender, except there were two types of Ultrasauri and they weren't actually all that big and it was all pretty stupid. Anyhow, near as I can tell, the most recent candidate for "biggest-assed creature of all time" is the Sauroposeidon ("Earthquake God Lizard"). The Sauroposeidon was also one of the last of the dinosaurs; there's some sort of moral there, but I don't think it applies to me. C+

Pterodactyls are cool for two obvious reasons: they can fly and they have a silent "p." The same applies to Pteranadons, of course, but we've already established that paleontologists worry about teeth too much. Anyhow, Pterodactyl either couldn't really fly, instead only gliding, or it couldn't fly very well. But Pterodactyl-shaped transforming robot cartoon characters can fly, and that's what's really important. B+

Completing the prehistoric triathlon, Pleisiosaur is a seagoing dinosaur, if you take the word dinosaur to include "things that are not technically speaking dinosaurs but end up in the dinosaur section of the plush toy aisle nonetheless." As with other reptiles of the era, we're not sure exactly what Pleisiosaur looked like, but we are absolutely certain that it was huggable and a friend to all the children. Also, scientists are completely sure that any mysterious lake monsters that are not actually floating logs or delirium tremens are Pleisiosaurs. B

This creature's name means "egg stealer." It is so named because it does not steal eggs. When the first Oviraptor fossil was found, it was on top of some eggs, so the discoverers drew the obvious conclusion that it was stealing them. This is because it was discovered by the LAPD. As it turns out, those were probably the thing's own eggs. But, okay, they think that the species as a whole may have eaten eggs -- other creatures' eggs -- anyway. It just seems like the sort of thing they'd do. I'm going back to bed. C-

Part I

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