Aero
"Big on bubbles" ("Les bulles...on s'y connaît!") is this candy bar's catchphrase, and sure enough when you crack one in half it looks like a chocolatey degenerative bone disease. I'm not sure why this is a selling point; it tastes like plain old regular Canadian crappy chocolate (which is to say, slightly different than crappy chocolate from the States) and I can't imagine there have been a lot of complaints about the specific gravity of chocolate bars. It floats in water, maybe that's good. C-

Smarties
I know a lot of Canadians are great fans of the Smartie, but I'm just not seeing the appeal as compared to M&Ms, except that Smarties have chimps named Bob and Einstein ("Robert et Pasteur") on the package. Aside from that, Smarties are like larger M&Ms with thicker shells, worse chocolate, and no letters printed on them. Also, they come in more colours, but in my view chocolate bits should not be pink. I'm still having trouble adjusting to blue M&Ms. They do not float in water. C-

Crunchie
This is chocolate-covered sponge toffee. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the phrase "sponge toffee" ("Tire éponge dorée"). It tastes like toffee, but it's approximately the consistency of vintage foam rubber. This, to me, is not optimal. It floats in water. D+

Coffee Crisp
This is a good idea! ("Une bonne idée!") It's chocolate with a coffee-flavoured wafer center. My complaint, however, is that it could be more significantly coffee flavoured. It could hold you down and make you sniff its beans, but instead it just kind of gives you a whiff of coffee before and after the actual chewing. That's a disappointment. It floats in water. C+

Big Turk
This definitely gets my vote for "Best Candy Bar Which Is Also Someone's Prison Nickname." It intends to taste like Turkish delight ("Loukoum") but as far as I'm concerned it's essentially Swedish fish covered in chocolate. Combining Swedish fish and chocolate is one of those really great ideas, like combining Playstation 2 and oral sex. It does not float in water. B+

Ketchup Potato Chips
Good god! ("Mon dieu!") These are actually good! Really good. So good that I was able to get past the unnerving phrase "simulated ketchup flavour." The important thing here is that they don't really taste all that much like ketchup ("ketchup"). They're kind of like vinegar chips crossed with barbecue chips crossed with, well, ketchup. Only good! Much better than you're imagining! It's like really gross food, only made by Jesus. Also, they float. A-