The Brunching Shuttlecocks Quizzes

Are You Dead?

Sure, there are a lot of questionnaires out there on the Web that help you calculate your overall levels of health, stress, and longevity, but we all know that none of that matters when you're cemetery mulch. So, first things first. Before you start working on self-improvement, take our quick quiz to find out if you still have a self to improve.

  1. Are you dressed in the nicest outfit you own?
  2. Has your life insurance company stopped sending you bills?
  3. Try being right about something. Were you dead right?
  4. When your local bar has "People Who Aren't Dead Night," do you still have to pay a cover charge?
  5. Do you feel an unexplainable affinity with doornails?
  6. Are you getting a lot of junk mail from crematories?
  7. Have you canceled your subscriptions to "Life" and "Martha Stewart's Living"?
  8. Have you experienced that uncomfortable feeling you get when you're talking to a guy and you realize he has your corneas?
  9. Are necrophiliacs always coming on to you?
  10. Do you no longer have the song "Love Shack" stuck in your head?
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