The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Swedish Candy

Oh, great. Yet another Y2K product tie-in. At least I assume that's what it is. Maybe it's just supposed to be one-fiftieth as good as a Hundred Grand Bar. The package says "Sparkles in your mouth," which I made the mistake of taking metaphorically. Apparently the chocolate is infused with some sort of Pop-Rock-esque material that wakes up just as the candy is on its way down, giving the startling impression of a small army of clicking pixies marching down the back of your throat. Startling, that is, if you're expecting it. If you're not expecting it, it's more accurately described as freaking freaky. B-

After the mouth sparkling of 2000, I was highly suspicious of the Daim packaging, which depicts the logo breaking in half. Maybe, I thought, this is the fun candy that snaps your neck in two. Luckily for me, it's just a nondescript toffee candy with marginally superior chocolate and an ingredient list in approximately seventy languages. C

This is chocolate with a gooey licorice center. And not red licorice, either. No, this is European black licorice, which contains extra salt. Chocolate and salty black licorice. Those of you who aren't making little throw-up signals with your fingers are probably already desperately trying to figure out how to order Plopp online, because you are demented. Anyhow, to the right-thinking people who find the very idea of salty choco-licorice abhorrent, it's not actually as horrid as it sounds. It's merely bad. D

Mjölk Choko
This is pretty uninteresting. More chocolate-covered toffee. I suspect it was included in the package solely because of the umlaut. C+

Viol Tabletter
These come in little black candy nuggets, so I figured I was in for more perverted licorice. But no, these are in essence violet-flavored JujyFruit. Little chewy sugary chunks that taste like a flower. Or rather, like what a flower smells like. It's very tasty! I'm not entirely used to the flavor of violet seeping down my throat, but it should keep the clicking pixies happy, at least. B+

Swedish Fish
There weren't any in the package, but I just wanted to go on record saying that Swedish fish are Wotan's gift to the candy-inclined. Especially the red ones. They're red, they're sugary, they're shaped like fish. What more could you want? A+

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