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Swedish Candy
by Lore Sjöberg
2000
Oh, great. Yet another Y2K product tie-in. At least I assume that's
what it is. Maybe it's just supposed to be one-fiftieth as good as
a Hundred Grand Bar. The package says "Sparkles in your mouth," which
I made the mistake of taking metaphorically. Apparently the chocolate is
infused with some sort of Pop-Rock-esque material that wakes up just as
the candy is on its way down, giving the startling impression of a small
army of clicking pixies marching down the back of your throat. Startling,
that is, if you're expecting it. If you're not expecting it, it's more
accurately described as freaking freaky. B-
Daim
After the mouth sparkling of 2000, I was highly suspicious of the
Daim packaging, which depicts the logo breaking in half. Maybe, I
thought, this is the fun candy that snaps your neck in two. Luckily
for me, it's just a nondescript toffee candy with marginally superior
chocolate and an ingredient list in approximately seventy languages. C
Plopp
This is chocolate with a gooey licorice center. And not red licorice,
either. No, this is European black licorice, which contains extra
salt. Chocolate and salty black licorice. Those of you who aren't
making little throw-up signals with your fingers are probably already
desperately trying to figure out how to order Plopp online, because you
are demented. Anyhow, to the right-thinking people who find the very
idea of salty choco-licorice abhorrent, it's not actually as horrid as
it sounds. It's merely bad. D
Mjölk Choko
This is pretty uninteresting. More chocolate-covered toffee. I suspect
it was included in the package solely because of the umlaut. C+
Viol Tabletter
These come in little black candy nuggets, so I figured I was in for
more perverted licorice. But no, these are in essence violet-flavored
JujyFruit. Little chewy sugary chunks that taste like a flower. Or rather,
like what a flower smells like. It's very tasty! I'm not entirely used
to the flavor of violet seeping down my throat, but it should keep the
clicking pixies happy, at least. B+
Swedish Fish
There weren't any in the package, but I just wanted to go on record
saying that Swedish fish are Wotan's gift to the candy-inclined. Especially
the red ones. They're red, they're sugary, they're shaped like fish. What
more could you want? A+
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