The Brunching Shuttlecocks Ratings

Might have been lice, might have been gnats, but I doubt that the Egyptians were worried about genus and species. "Gosh, I wonder what exact breed of insect is clogging my nostrils?" is not a question you hear very often. That's what I like about Passover seders: they're about the only time you're encouraged to discuss insect infestations at the dinner table. B-

Good one! Pus-filled sores are a too-often overlooked tool in shaping social policy. If state governments were constitutionally allowed to visit horrible skin afflictions on, say, schools which performed below testing standards, I bet we'd soon have graduating classes which shamed even those darned Europeans with their hoity-toity math skills and their multi-language fluency and their grasp of geography. A

Apparently this is kind of a tricky translation. The King James Bible has "flies," one translated Torah I found has "insects," but "A Rug Rats Passover" has it as wild beasts, so wild beasts it is. I just saw Tarzan, so I can't help but imagine a scene Moses pounding his chest and emitting a jungle yodel, followed a stampede of elephants and baboons and panthers and, I dunno, toucans and stuff coming down on Pharaoh and his buddies. It's not easy living in my head. B

You know, after boils, locusts, dead farm animals, hail and other assorted miseries, you'd think not having to look at your ravaged environs would actually be relatively relaxing. On the other hand, three days of not being able to do anything but sit around and converse about how much it sucks to be hated by God must have hastened the freeing process somewhat. C-

Death of the Firstborn
Hey. Way uncool. But then, it's the Old Testament: Much of the OT is taken up with the Creator coming down on group C for what group A did to group B. Think of all the llamas that died in the Flood! Is there any indication that the llamas had become insolent and cruel? Was God dissatisfied with their performance as llamas? No! But all of them except two took the big swim along with the human beings who were the problem on the first place. It's all part of God's pre-Christ oeuvre. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. D-

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