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by Lore Sjöberg
Vermin
Might have been lice, might have been gnats, but I doubt that the
Egyptians were worried about genus and species. "Gosh, I wonder what exact
breed of insect is clogging my nostrils?" is not a question you hear very
often. That's what I like about Passover seders: they're about the only
time you're encouraged to discuss insect infestations at the dinner table. B-
Boils
Good one! Pus-filled sores are a too-often overlooked tool in shaping
social policy. If state governments were constitutionally allowed to
visit horrible skin afflictions on, say, schools which performed below
testing standards, I bet we'd soon have graduating classes which shamed
even those darned Europeans with their hoity-toity math skills and their
multi-language fluency and their grasp of geography. A
Beasts
Apparently this is kind of a tricky translation. The King James
Bible has "flies," one translated Torah I found has "insects," but "A
Rug Rats Passover" has it as wild beasts, so wild beasts it is.
I just saw Tarzan, so I can't help but imagine a scene Moses pounding
his chest and emitting a jungle yodel, followed a stampede of elephants
and baboons and panthers and, I dunno, toucans and stuff coming down
on Pharaoh and his buddies. It's not easy living in my head. B
Darkness
You know, after boils, locusts, dead farm animals, hail and other assorted
miseries, you'd think not having to look at your ravaged environs would
actually be relatively relaxing. On the other hand, three days of not
being able to do anything but sit around and converse about how much it
sucks to be hated by God must have hastened the freeing process somewhat. C-
Death of the Firstborn
Hey. Way uncool. But then, it's the Old Testament: Much of the OT is
taken up with the Creator coming down on group C for what group A did
to group B. Think of all the llamas that died in the Flood! Is there
any indication that the llamas had become insolent and cruel? Was God
dissatisfied with their performance as llamas? No! But all of them except
two took the big swim along with the human beings who were the problem
on the first place. It's all part of God's pre-Christ oeuvre. But that
doesn't mean I have to like it. D-
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