The Brunching Shuttlecocks Reader Mail

Reader Mail (24 March 2003)

From: Joshua Sera
Subject: General stupidity

I've pretty much declared today to be "Everyone is stupid" day for a long list of boring reasons, but the general response to your good and bad poll's just added another one.

Albumin isn't bad, in fact it's really, really good. Anyone who's had mayonnaise fried shrimp, (Which has, surprise, surprise, mayonnaise, which contains egg whites, which are albumin) can confirm that in the proper setting, it can be downright godlike.

Waking up from a sexy dream about something not inherently sexy on the other hand, can be really disturbing. Just picture waking up from a dream about a be-vagina'ed Donald Duck with one's pork sword at full attention to get the full horror of what evil your subconscious is capable of.

Actually, Joshua, major portions of my brain are now devoted full-time to preventing me from picturing that. At any rate, according to the rules of Good or Bad, you're wrong, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you taking the time to try and stuff horrible images in my mind.

From: Joshua Leners
Subject: Acetyl salicylic acid

I am about to learn you why salicylic acid burns like hell while its comrade in arms acetyl salicylic acid does not. It is all about disolution rates. An acid is an ionic molecule compounded of an anion and a hydrogen cation. The faster a hydrogen cation can get away from the anion, the quicker it can join to say, your skin. This loose ion will eat through your skin faster than termites take out balsa wood. Now, that acetyl group replaces one of the hydrogens on the salicylic acid and acts as a hydrogen cowboy, keeping them from devouring vital areas.

Thanks, different Joshua. Call me easily impressed, but anyone who can explain household chemistry in layman's terms and use the phrase "hydrogen cowboy" in the process is okay in my book.

From: Amanda
Subject: Wart remedies

You forgot to rate duct tape! How silly of you.

To reiterate: I not "forget" or "overlook" items for the Ratings. I simply elect not to include them. Having said that, in this case I elected not to include duct tape as a wart remedy because I had never heard of it. However, I am now well-informed of the situation because according to my calculations, every carbon atom on the planet apparently got a Hotmail account and mailed me to tell me about it. Which I appreciate, even if it does make it difficult to find the penis enlargement spam in my mailbox.

At any rate, if I ever get around to "More Wart Remedies" I'll be sure to include it. In the meantime, feel free to evaluate the evidence (as presented by The Discovery Channel) yourself. Note that they didn't test the duct tape on genital warts. I imagine you'll find it in your heart to understand.

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