While happy, idealistic neo-hippies who love corn syrup
have found their artificially-flavored nirvana in the
Fruitopia line of beverages, there's never been a drink
for disaffected, alienated people who love corn syrup.
At least, until now.
Bitter Herb Incorporated is proud to announce its
new line of unhappy beverages: Fruitility of Existence.
Bananaberry Bile, Kiwi Ennui, Tropical Depression -- whatever
personal problems you have, we have the drink to compliment them.
Look for the grey label with the delicious unhealthy-looking liquid
inside, and enjoy the beverage that's guaranteed not to
improve your miserable, isolated, painfully ironic existence.
Fruitility of Existence: Why Bother Drinking Anything Else?
Other Depressing Flavors
Passionless Fruit Punch
Strawberry Tangerine Suicide