Lunchmeat Origami

Tired of the same old bologna sandwiches? Spice up your lunch with the ancient Japanese art of meat folding! Cotto salami frogs and ham cranes make mealtime fun for beginners, and experts will find complete instructions for a turkey breast grasshopper and a corned beef box that can actually hold olives or jewelry! An excellent gift for anyone with no sense of smell.

The Mommy and Daddy Are Busy Book

The perfect book for harried adults who are too racked with guilt to park their kids in front of the TV with a copy of Super Mario Sunshine, this book is full of fun crafts your child can do when you're arguing, trying to rebuild your shattered post-partum sex life, or just lying down with a pounding migrane and a bottle of prescription ibuprofen. All activities are guaranteed to be safe, easy to clean up, require no adult supervision. Plus, they're relatively unlikely to cause your child, later in life, to spontaneously break down in tears when a glimpse of a bottle of white glue brings up deeply-buried feelings of abandonment and isolation.

Balloon Animals and Self-Defense

At last, one book tells you all you need to create fun, fanciful balloon animals and to defend yourself from the inevitable attacks of random nerd-bashers. Learn to bring a smile to the faces of children and exceptionally tolerant adults, and to break the noses of normal, God-fearing people who naturally want to express their revulsion for your cloying, squeaky hobby by beating you to a pulp.

Beading For the Sort of People Who Need a Book to Tell Them How to Put Beads on a String

You take the string, you take some beads, you put the beads on a string. Then you tie a knot. It's really not tough, but some people apparently can't make even the simplest damn thing without full-color, full-page illustrations of every step, so this book is for them. Frankly, we're not going to even try to create catchy copy here because we can't bring ourselves to lower our mental capacity to that level, but we figure they're so hard up for guidance that they'll buy it anyway. Morons.

Make Your Own Viking Longboat

Thirteen weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List! Yes, folks, longboatmania is here to stay. From longboat guru Hedge Wilmarr's appearance on "Live With Regis & Kelly" to MTV's "Longboat Island" series, to The New Yorker's special All Viking Longboat issue, America can't get enough of handmade, authentic viking longboats! Now you can find out what the fuss is all about with this comprehensive guide to creating a full-size, working replica of a viking longboat in your own backyard! Now updated with an appendix on alternate larboard design.

Pipe Cleaner Fun!

It's a rainy day, you're bored, and you've got a handful of pipe cleaners. What can you do? Why, clean pipes of course! Pipe Cleaner Fun has detailed instructions on using pipe cleaners to clean any sort of pipe, from a Victorian-era meerschaum to a bong shaped like Homer Simpson's head. Hours of finger-staining enjoyment! By the author of Clothespin Fun and Toothpick Fun.