Cold and Flu Remedies
by Lore Sjöberg

Lozenges
I enjoy the lozenge. I consider lozenge-sucking one of the few good aspects of a sinus-swelling throat infection. I suck them down like considerably less-jolly Jolly Ranchers. I made the mistake of looking at the ingredient list once, though. It said "ACTIVE INGREDIENT: PECTIN." Pectin? How is pectin an active ingredient in the war against throat pain? I think they just put that in there because "ACTIVE INGREDIENT: YOUR OWN SALIVA, ACTUALLY" isn't going to sell a lot of cough drops. A+

Chicken Soup
Every flu season magazines and newspapers love to run articles about how chicken soup really is good for a cold, just like they say. One doctor says that cooked chicken releases anti-respiratory medication, another says that soup inhibits inflammatory white blood cells, and so forth. That's all fine and good, but if someone tries to present me with scientific proof that Chicken Soup for the Soul actually is good for your soul, I'm leaving the planet. B

Vicks Vapo-Rub
I remember this being very soothing as a child, but I've never been able to actually work up the will to spread menthol goo on my own chest as an adult. Lying on my back with globs of jelly in my chest hair would just make me feel like somebody's fetish. Plus, and this is the kicker, it makes me smell like some sort of monstrous irradiated eucalyptus tree. None for me, thanks. C-

Cough Syrup
You'll note that the ultimate low point for booze is tasting like cough syrup. If the alcohol in question is coming out of a shatter-proof plastic jug, chances are someone will point out the similarity to it and Robitussin. Given that I'm not the biggest fan of cheap booze, the ideal abstraction of cheap booze isn't going to appeal to me either, cough or no cough. D+

Echinacea
Blech blech blech. Talk about the cure being worse than the disease. If I were to catch an illness that made the taste of echinacea ooze down my throat every thirty minutes, I'd be pounding on the triage counter at the emergency room demanding satisfaction faster than you can say "FDA approval." Luckily Big Medicine is catching on to this and releasing items with the echinacea flavor heavily masked. If they come out with children's chewable echinacea I might give it a try. D