The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

By now you've probably heard about the rumors that President Clinton has a special tie that he wears to let Ms. Lewinsky know that he's thinking about her, and that he wore said tie to his deposition. At first we were skeptical; frankly, Clinton doesn't seem likely to be much into romantic gestures beyond paying for the first round and referring to women he likes as "Darlin'." So imagine our surprise when our extremely high-level, incredibly ficitious contact in the White House passed us a document that indicates that not only does Clinton have a "Monica" tie, nearly all his ties have a secret coded message associated with them.

In the interest of national insecurity, then, we're providing you with this handy form whereby you can look up Clinton's secret messages based on whatever tie he might be wearing. Cravats, bow ties, and bolo ties are not included.

The President is wearing a tie with

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