Perhaps the most important legislative advance of recent years
is the Uniform Popular Music Naming Act of 1999, which
requires all pop songs to be named after the most
common or catchy phrase in the lyrics. Radio DJs, record store employees,
and Napster searchers alike rejoiced at no longer
having to remember that "Everybody Must Get Stoned"
is actually called "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35," to name one
of the more egregious offenses of a less-enlightened
But those who don't remember the past are doomed to listen
to a dance remix of it, so we challenge you to remember the original titles --
some sad souls might say the "real titles" -- of the following
logically-named pop songs.