Studies also found that cockroaches have the capacity to suffer, cows
can react emotionally and sheep can distinguish one person from another,
therefore possessing the concept of what it means to be an individual.
-- Roger Highfield, Science Editor, The Electronic Telegraph
Scientists discover that cockroaches can suffer and sheep understand
what it means to be an individual.
The same scientists claim to have proof that the stump-toed gecko can
experience both regret and nostalgia and that most species of gazelle have
a rudimentary grasp of the principles of the Dogme school of filmmaking.
A competing group of researches administer "The World's Smallest Political
Quiz" to a select group of seabirds and discover that arctic terns are
The first group of researchers reveal what they claim is conclusive proof
that the entire Family Cricetidae thinks that the arctic tern thing
The second group of researchers responds with a hastily thrown-together
paper indicating that the other scientists didn't even ask the
Meadow Jumping Mouse, and besides, they have an unnamed source in
Order Strigiformes saying that the migratory grey hamster was
The migratory grey hamster releases a statement denying the charges of
bribery, explaining that it doesn't even possess the capacity to understand
the concept of exchange of goods for services. The rest of Subgenus
Cricetulus issues a statement in support of the migratory grey
Cockroaches take over the earth and force all vertebrates to slave under
grueling conditions in their dank filth-mines, punishing the slightest
sign of insubordination with a gruesome display wherein the offender is
slowly dismembered for the amusement of the assembled invertebrate overlords.