The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

In an article two weeks ago, we misspelled the name of Mr. Samuel Roydnchech. We apologize for the error. In addition, the photo accompanying the article was not a picture of Mr. Roydnchech, but rather of a capybara, a large South American rodent. Again, we regret the error.

We also regret the mis-statement that Mr. Royduncheck is "an unemployed know-nothing." He has a degree in business and is gainfully employed as a hog slaughterer. We further regret the reference to Mr. Roydenchek as an "inbred cracker." His parents are not blood relations as far as anyone has been able to prove.

All references in the article to hives, leprosy, or any venereal disease should be replaced with the phrase "male pattern baldness." It should also be pointed out that Mr. Roitenchenk is not Catholic, the Pope has never mentioned him publicly, and in any case the alleged sins mentioned would probably not in and of themselves be grounds for excommunication. We sincerely regret any misunderstanding our statements may have caused.

Paragraphs five through eight of the article were also in error.

The statement that Mr. Roidencheg is sexually attracted to Shar-Pei puppies was in error, as was the statement in the above paragraph that he is a hog slaughterer. He is actually an accountant and has never had sex with any domesticated animal.

Due to a typographical error in that same article, the word "imbecile" was misspelled. We regret the error.

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