The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

So by now you've probably heard about, the site where two crazy kids with stars in their censor-bar-covered eyes are aiming to be the first couple to lose their virginity live on the Internet. There are photos of the lovebirds on the site and their coital debut is due to be broadcast in full-motion video.

You tried to go to the site, didn't you? I mention sex and everyone reaches for the keyboard. Don't bother, the site's pretty much completely unreachable. Supply and demand.

This thing not only has all the earmarks of a hoax, it has "HOAX" branded into its flank and it's regulated by the U.S. Department of Hoaxes, Pranks and Shenanigans. But even if I'm wrong, it's not as ground-breaking as they make it out to be. As it turns out, a couple has already lost their virginity live on the Internet, way back in 1988.

Of course, this was before the Web, so they used a chat room.

Linda Matterson, 22, and Barris Elway, 36 (he was a computer programmer) used the then-nascent IRC network to exchange virginities in front of a group of mutual friends while logged on and chatting. This, then, is their transcript.

<LtWorf> Okay, is everyone ready?
<Deth> Yeah!
<ron_m> im ready
<Linda> I am not losing it to someone named "LtWorf".
* SwpMnt is ready, willing and able...
<LtWorf> Okay, okay.
*** LtWorf is now known as Barry
<Linda> Better.
<Barry> Happy now?
<ron_m> i kinda liked the worf thing
<Barry> Okay, we're ready to do this.
*** AZStud has entered channel #FirstTime 
<AZStud> Any F here want to chat?
*** AZStud has been kicked off channel #FirstTime by Linda (Do you mind? We're 
+trying to have a moment here.)
<Barry> Okay, *now* we're ready to do this.
<Linda> Sheesh.
<Deth> ROTFL
<Barry> We were actually getting pretty, um, intimate right before we logged
+in, so if nobody minds we're going to skip straihgt tot he main event.
<ron_m> ok by me
<Deth> Sure.
<Linda> "Main event"?
<Barry> The main intimate moment.
<Linda> What is this, professional wrestling?
<Barry> The main very important and touching sharing of two souls.
<Linda> This has all the romantic ambiance of a broken toaster oven.
<Barry> I'm sorry.
<SwpMnt> I've known some pretty romantic toaster ovens.
<Linda> You could at least put on some music.
<Barry> Okay. Hold on.
<Barry> There.
<Barry> Okay, okay, okay.
<Barry> There.
<Linda> Okay. Much better.
<Linda> Shall we?
<Barry> Sure.
<Deth> Cool!
<ron_m> go for it
<ron_m> hello?
*** NVHotBod has entered channel #FirstTime 
<NVHotBod> Any ladies in here?
<Deth> Why aren't they typing anything?
<SwpMnt> I think they're busy.
<rom_m> hello?
*** NVHotBod has left channel #FirstTime 
<Deth> This sucks.
<ron_m> helllooooooooo?
<Barry> :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
<ron_m> what's going on
<Barry> Linda and I have joined the realms of the sexually experienced.
<Deth> That's IT?
<Barry> Thanks you all for joining us. You made this very special for us.
<Linda> I want cheesecake.
*** Barry has left channel #FirstTime 
*** Linda has left channel #FirstTime 
<SwpMnt> Interesting.
<ron_m> it would have been better if he had stayed worf
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