The Brunching Shuttlecocks Quizzes

So you've finally got a hit song. Radio stations across the continent have you on heavy rotation, and even that guy on the bus with the sleeves of a vinyl windbreaker tied around his head is humming the chorus. But how do you tell if your fortune is being made, or just your fifteen minutes of fame? Will your first hit be your only hit? Ten years from now, will you be strutting up the charts on VH1, or opening for Jan and Dean at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk? In short, are you a one-hit wonder?

Well, speculate no more! With the following handy quiz, you can tell instantly whether you should be investing your royalties in a Camero or a Certificate of Deposit.

  1. Do three out of four lines from the chorus of your hit song contain a heretofore undiscovered euphemism for the sex act?
  2. Do the lyrics contain the name of your band?
  3. Are you fourteen years old?
  4. Have you ever appeared on a Prince album?
  5. Are you a "supergroup" made up of the members of previously successful bands who did not actually sing or write lyrics?
  6. Are you a hardcore metal and/or punk band which decided for the hell of it to release a single in the style of a big-band tune, a children's song, or a rap song?
  7. Is your song about dancing, even though you, yourself, cannot dance worth shit?
  8. Is your song a wry comment on the state of the music industry?
  9. Does the word "Beatles" appear anywhere in your press release, and you're not British?
  10. Is your song a cover of a middle-of-the-road seventies hit, faithful except for the fact that you turn the distort on your guitars up to "2" and you sneer while singing it?
  11. Is your song a cover of a disaffected, ironic eighties hit, faithful except for the fact that it's played on an acoustic instrument and you sound very sincere?
  12. Are you Australian?
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