In Which We Start Picking On The New President Already
The lineup for the Bush administration's inaugural parade has been
released, and already we're seeing the old-boy network in action. Towards
the bottom of the list we see that the parade will feature "Star the
Isn't it an interesting coincidence that the single, solitary clown in the
inaugural parade is a Texas clown? Can the President-elect say,
in all honesty, that Star the Clown is the best clown for the job? Even
based on the meager information we have, it wouldn't seem so. Up until
the previous Bush administration, it was a requirement that all
federal clown funds go only to "entertainers whose names are prefixed
by the word 'Mister,' suffixed by the letter 'o,' or involve a humorous
misspelling involving the letter 'k.'" This proud American tradition
gave us many excellent Clown Laureates such as "Mr. Tumbles," "Mr. Bumpo,"
"Rainbo K. Krazy," and "Spiro Agnew." Isn't it interesting,
then, that the President-elect's own father instituted the very
deregulation that allows the inaugural parade to feature a clown with
the inexplicably prosaic name of "Star"?
I think it will seem far more likely to any unbiased observer that Star
is a clown with connections. Even the most cursory background check
reveals that Star the Clown has assembled more than a few balloon
animals for George W. Bush. No doubt Bush has been very pleased with
the over two-fifty in change pulled out of his ear and thrown into the
campaign coffers over the years. And I, myself, have viewed footage of
Star the Clown leaning over Governor Bush's shoulder, and whispering
in barely-audible conspiratorial tones that Bush can have "whatever he
wishes for" if the then-Governor agrees to "blow out the candles."
I think it's high time we demanded accountability in our leaders'
kid-pleasing entertainment selections. Do we need another repeat of the
Johnson Administration's "Amazing Astoundo Scandal" before we see the
truth? Then, it took the sawing-in-half of several Labor leaders to make
the public question the Executive Branch's choice of party magicians. Can
we afford to make the same mistake now?
Please, write your congresspersons. Organize. Speak out. Or, if you must,
sit on your couch and mutter. Do whatever it takes to stop this corrupt
clown selection before our political process is turned into, I don't know,
some sort of flashy, noisy traveling entertainment spectacle.