An excerpt from "Hot, Wet, Wild and Hot" by Belinda Briton
Brenda lay on her futon. Her long red-brown hair cascaded across
the pillow like dried butterscotch pudding as she chewed thoughtfully on one
thumb-tip. It had been so long since she was properly rogered, she mused.
She looked at the clock. Six hours and counting.
Just then, Alan walked in the front door. Rapidly, he pulled off
his skintight jeans, and Brenda gasped as she saw that his erect
member was nearly eight inches long.
"I've been waiting a long time for this," he said as he climbed up
next to her naked, supine, almost absurdly well-endowed frame.
But as he prepared to give her his hot zebu love, Ron, the washing machine
in the window and unzipped his pants, revealing his hardened schlong,
which Brenda saw was nine-and-a-quarter inches in length, with a
four-and-a-half inch circumference.
"Brenda! I must have you!" he said, jostling Alan as he joined them
on the futon.
Before Brenda could say anything, Matthew walked in from the den,
where Brenda had left him reading the Sunday comics some two weeks
"Matthew!" said Brenda. "I never knew your fully-tumescent prick
was 9.82 inches long, with a circumference of 5.16 inches!"
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," he replied,
rubbing up against her smooth skin.
"Don't be ridiculous, Brenda," rejoined Alan. "He can't be more
than 9.73 inches, although his circumference may be more like
Brenda was about to reach under the bed for the calipers, when
suddenly Burke, the lanky Canadian, burst in.
"Take me, Brenda," he said. "My penis is 24 centimeters
Brenda did some quick calculating on her fingers, and smiled. "Come
on in, big boy!"
"Brenda!" shouted Brady, the muscular physics major who had just
come down the stairs. "Suffice it to say that it takes a photon
upwards of nine-tenths of a picosecond to traverse
the length of my fully erect organ, in a vacuum."
Brenda hesitated. She had gotten it on with a physicist before, and he
hadn't been able to keep track of where his penis was and how fast it
was moving at the same time. Still, Brady's credentials were impressive,
so she invited him onto the futon.
Suddenly, Eglidah, an Old Testament prophet, appeared in a puff of
"This I say unto thee, Brenda. That maleness which I have, it is
a full cubit in length, yea and it is thicker indeed than the
horn of a ram!"
"'Yea' is right!" enthused Brenda. The prophet hiked up his robe
and climbed into bed.
Darryl, the mathematician from down the block, ran into the room.
"Brenda!" he said. "I just want to...man, that's a big futon!"
"Yes, yes," said Brenda impatiently. "Get on with it."
"I just wanted to point out that the angle formed by my stomach and
my penis is 64 degrees, and a line drawn perpendicularly to my stomach
from my navel will reach 7.036 inches before intersecting with the
tip of my erect trouser snake. Now, from this we can deduce that..."
Brenda sighed. She knew it was going to be another one of those