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The National Music Publishers' Association recently shut down a major song lyrics site, citing financial damages to copyright holders. Apparently the answer to the question "What the hell is Fiona Apple talking about?" is now a salable commodity. Oddly enough, though, the NMPA has not announced any plans to actually sell the lyrics, which puts the words to "Walk Like an Egyptian" into a kind of mysterious forbidden intellectual limbo not usually seen outside of Scientology.

Presumably, though, law-abiding music lovers will soon fork over cash for their own personal -- possibly framed -- copies of lyrics to songs. We consulted a panel of imaginary experts who determined the fair market value of various song lyrics, some highlights of which we reproduce below.

The entire album Purple Rain, dirty words underlined$6.00
Annotated lyrics to "American Pie," vaguely reasonable edition$2.00
Annotated lyrics to "American Pie," completely off-base edition$1.50
Tom Petty's Greatest Hits (Printed on hemp paper made entirely from Petty's own scrape.)$7.25
The Transcribed Moans of Tori Amos, Volumes 1-3$10.50
The final four and one-half minutes of "Hey Jude"$0.85
Made-up lyrics to fictional Alanis Morissette songsStill Free!
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