The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Putting the 'Intern' in 'Internet'

[An error occurred while processing this directive.]

[Actually, that's not true. The server's fine. My name's Stewart Greer, and I work for ServTech Industries. I'm not sure why I put this message in. I guess I'm just trying, in my own way, to reach out beyond the cubicle walls and spacious parking lot of my workplace, trying to make some real human contact in this online world, a world where everyone is spending so much time communicating that there's nobody left to listen.]

[Does anyone out there who care that my hairline is receding and my only sexual experience was with my cousin Tillie in the 8th grade and that I wake up most nights at 2 AM with a sudden powerful desire to become a woman? No, everybody's too busy with their stock quotes and their live cameras to wonder if maybe one of the people who makes all this possible needs someone to talk to. Someone who won't judge or stare at my teeth. Someone who doesn't walk more quickly when they pass by my cubicle, and who would never ask me to use tongs when taking a bagel from the bag because of the rash. Someone who cares.]

[Ah, well. It's not like there's any chance of anyone seeing this. This message will only show up if someone tries to put up a page with the words "blow job," "Yoo-Hoo brand chocolate drink," "Motley Crüe," and "mezzanine" in it, and what are the chances of THAT ever happening? Time to sink back into quiet, cringing desperation for the rest of my life.]

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