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How To Be A Grown-Up Fantasy Geek

Don't spell things the obvious way. "Magic," "Fairies," and "Dragons" are for little kids. "Magick," "Faerys," and "Dragyns" are what you're into.

Hang your swords on the walls instead of carrying them around with you.

Don't call people "milord" or "milady" unless you're going out with them. Or want to.

Screen names for bulletin boards and chat rooms are a great place to show off your true colors with names like "Lord_Gryffon" and "PegasysGirl312." Plus, it gives you authority when discussing what Aelves are really like.

Wearing glitter on your face is a great way to show how in-touch you are with the mystick in everyday life. The more glitter, the more mystick.

If you're with six or more people who are also fantasy geeks, you can do whatever you want. Take advantage of this by seeking out Xena conventions, Renaissance Faires, and SCA gatherings.

Rings are great. You can wear any sort of hackneyed fantasy icon on a ring and people will just think you got suckered at a crafts fair.

If you get married, it's your day, even if you can't find six other fantasy geeks to attend. Hire a lutist, take your vows in Gaelic, and make everyone eat giant roasted turkey legs. What are they going to do? It's your wedding day!

Always make sure you mention Tolkien in any conversation about fantasy novels. It lends credibility. As in "Well, 'Dragyn Maidens of Wistfulmere' was a great novel, but it's no Tolkien."

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