The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

The Net's First "Enterprise" Slash Fiction

Captain Archer stood on the bridge of the Enterprise, talking to Lieutenant Reed. The handsome British Armory Officer was discussing weapons upgrades to the Enterprise, but Archer couldn't concentrate on his words and heard only the melodious tones of his educated and modulated voice.

" that we've got the transporting device working and everyone has phase pistols," Reed was saying. "I was thinking maybe we could work on a larger phasing weapon for the ship, as well as shield generation devices and a photonic torpedoing weapon device unit and we should also decide what cute archaic-sounding name we're going to give tricorders. Captain? Sir?"

"I'm sorry, I...I had something else on my mind," replied Archer, attempting to regain composure. "Well, those are all excellent plans and--"

Archer stopped himself. It would do no good to hide his feelings. He had been longing for this intriguingly weaselly man for nearly three and a half days now, ever since they had the adventure with the spongy guys and the base made of K'Nex pieces. Besides, they were stuck on a small ship together for God knows how long with relatively few female crew members, and a little situational homosexuality was inevitable.

"Listen," said Archer. "I feel kind of...contaminated. Would you like to go into the 'blue room' and...decontaminate with me?"

Lieutenant Reed's eyebrows raised. Ever since word had got around about the sensual, oil-based treatment for contamination, the 'blue room' had required hosing down every six hours. But so far, the Captain had never--

"Yes," said Reed. "Yes, I would."

Archer and Reed blushed shyly as Doctor Phlox handed them their tubes of decontamination cream. The Doctor's generically alien face smirked so widely that the corners of his mouth actually met at the back of his head as he led the two strapping men to the decontamination chamber and showed them in.

Archer and Reed looked at each other and at the small containers of decontamination cream in their hands, marvelling that this strange new world full of foreshadowing, gratuitous flesh shots, and obscure references to other Trek shows should have brought them together like this.

Then they had sex.

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