Hey, there, little ghosts, goblins, and assorted trademarked
characters! Want a real scare this Halloween, at a price your
parents can afford? Then come down to Ed and Trudy's Discount
Haunted Trailer Mansion! We've got all the thrills at half
First, we enter the Hall of the Invisible Intangible
Completely Silent Murdering Psychopath Who Doesn't Have
Any Body Odor. You can't tell he's there, but he knows
you're there! Listen! Nothing! Look around!
Nothing! He could be anywhere! Better move along
And here's the Alcove of Some Dirty Clothes and Your Mother.
Watch out, she wants you to help do the laundry!
Maybe you'll have to fold her underwear! Run, children, run!
Next, we come to the Cold Plate of Chili Cheese Fries.
Look! The grease is all coagulated! The fries have that
awful cold-french-fry texture to them! That's not very
appetizing at all, is it?
And what's this? It's a little bench. That's right,
a place to sit and think about all the awful things
you've done. What if your parents just moved away one
day and didn't take you with them? It would serve you
right, you're so wicked and ungrateful.
And finally, here's the Room of the Really Old Dog.
Take a look at Pal, our sixteen-year-old whippet.
He's looking pretty creaky, ain't he? Ready to go any minute,
he is. Think about it! He could die right in front of you,
and then you'd be in a room with a dead dog!
So come visit Ed and Trudy's Discount Haunted Trailer Mansion --
We're afraid you'll have a great time!